


shirawhoreizawa

by shroom_system



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Chatting & Messaging, Crack, M/M, idk what to put here
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-10
Updated: 2020-12-10
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:49:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27996300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shroom_system/pseuds/shroom_system
Summary: melo i hope you’re happy
Relationships: Tendou Satori/Ushijima Wakatoshi
Kudos: 9





	shirawhoreizawa

cliffordthebigreddog: hello friends :)  
ushijima: Hello.  
thebestace: hi tendou!!  
semisemi: TENDOU DID YOU CHANGE MY NAME   
semisemi: TENDOU  
cliffordthebigreddog: wasn’t me :)  
semisemi: BITCHASS LIAR  
thebestace: how do you do maths   
thebestace: the fuck are numbers.   
shirabu: can you. not do maths??   
thebestace: ALL I KNOW IS HIT BALL BE ACE CRY.   
shirabu: what are you doing  
thebestace: dividing fractions  
shirabu: AHHAHAHAHAHAHAH that’s literally like. kids work how are you that bad??? literally how  
shirabu: switch the divide to a times and flip the second fraction you whore  
thebestace: ah. yeah i vaguely knew that.  
shirabu: literally shut up why can’t you do BASIC MATHS

shirabu: oh my god this fucking bitch in english.   
shirabu: we got seating planned and i get put next to THIS BITCH.  
shirabu: one. her bag is fucking COVERED. in pins??? JUST COVERED IN ANIME PINS.   
shirabu: two. SHE WONT SHUT UP ABOUT HOW I LOOK LIKE SOME ANIME BOY??? LITERALLY SHUT UP.   
shirabu: three. she literally just sat there and started talking about some game?? some fucking game and there’s a russian child she loves or something???  
cliffordthebigreddog: owo  
cliffordthebigreddog: i need to find this bitch.  
cliffordthebigreddog: as an anime enthusiast it is my duty.  
cliffordthebigreddog: gib gib number  
shirabu: what makes you think i have her number  
cliffordthebigreddog: idk you sound obsessed with her.   
shirabu: i literally met her today but go off ig  
cliffordthebigreddog: i’ll just have to stalk you uwu.

cliffordthebigreddog: is anyone free this weekend. i wanna get food but i am. anxiety.  
semisemi: i have band practice sorry  
ushijima: I can probably go.   
cliffordthebigreddog: 1. thank you ushiwaka :)  
cliffordthebigreddog: 2. SEMI YOURE IN A BAND??  
semisemi: uh yeah  
cliffordthebigreddog: that’s kinda pog ngl   
semisemi: thank you???  
thebestace: what do you do in the band  
semisemi: i’m the singer  
semisemi: can’t play any instruments to save my life aha  
thebestace: oooooo cool  
thebestace: also tendou i would go BUT. i wanna practice serves as i’m getting my friend to help out  
shirabu: you have friends???  
thebestace: OKAY LITERALLY SHUT UP  
cliffordthebigreddog: owo tsutomu has a friend  
thebestace: it really isn’t a big deal why are you owoing   
cliffordthebigreddog: i’m so proud you don’t have any other friends :’)  
thebestace: I HAVE FRIENDS  
shirabu: no you don’t  
thebestace: yeah no i don’t  
cliffordthebigreddog: oop

shirabu: ENGLISH BITCH STRIKES AGAIN  
shirabu: THE WHORE IS IN MY FUCKING BIOLOGY TOO???? god hates me  
shirabu: WHORE SHUT UP ABOUT BANDORI IM TRYING TO LEARN ABOUT ENZYMES  
cliffordthebigreddog: which room you got biology in  
shirabu: no why  
cliffordthebigreddog: just asking :)  
shirabu: she sees my fucking volleyball kit. SHE GOES WILD.   
shirabu: oh my fucking god she likes inarizaki??? that fucking school from hyogo?? gross ngl.   
shirabu: OH MY GOD STOP TALKING BITCH. LITERALLY STOP??? THE MIYA TWINS AINT SHIT  
shirabu: atsumu miya doesn’t deserve to be called the no 1 setter he doesn’t do shit  
cliffordthebigreddog: you’re the no 1 setter in our hearts   
shirabu: literally shut up you’re worse than her oh my god. 

semisemi: i am literally dying rn  
cliffordthebigreddog: mood  
semisemi: IM LITERALLY LIKE,, DYING WHAT  
semisemi: i may have nearly been run over by a car. i also may be getting rushed to a hospital.   
cliffordthebigreddog: oh tea.  
semisemi: yeah so i’m not gonna be at practice pls tell coach  
shirabu: not like you’re necessary at practice or whatever  
cliffordthebigreddog: aww you love us really uwu  
shirabu: nope.   
semisemi: is no one concerned. i literally just. got hit by a car  
shirabu: i don’t care  
cliffordthebigreddog: if you didn’t see the car you need glasses  
semisemi: I LITERALLY BIKE INTO A CAR AND YOU TELL ME TO GET GLASSES???  
cliffordthebigreddog: yeah duh

cliffordthebigreddog: HELP IM IN A BIG HOLE  
ushijima: What?  
cliffordthebigreddog: WAKATOSHI I FELL IN A BIG HOLE I CANT GET OUT   
ushijima: Where are you?  
cliffordthebigreddog: IM IN A HOLE WAKATOSHI CANT YOU READ  
ushijima: Yes, I am literate.   
cliffordthebigreddog: WAKATOSHI IM IN A HOLE   
ushijima: Where is the hole?  
cliffordthebigreddog: IDK WHERE ARE HOLES???  
ushijima: In the ground.   
cliffordthebigreddog: IM STILL IN A FUCKING HOLEEEE  
semisemi: tendou where’s the hole  
cliffordthebigreddog: I DONT KNOWWWWWWWW  
cliffordthebigreddog: i’m in a hole and i’m going to cry :(  
cliffordthebigreddog: oh wait this isn’t that deep  
cliffordthebigreddog: i can literally just jump and get out aha  
cliffordthebigreddog: wakatoshi i’ll send you my location hang on  
semisemi: wait i’m coming too i wanna see the hole  
semisemi: TENDOU THIS LOOKS LIKE A GRAVE  
cliffordthebigreddog: oh.   
semisemi: YOU LITERALLY FELL INTO A GRAVE TENDOU   
cliffordthebigreddog: wish it was my grave  
semisemi: TENDOU

cliffordthebigreddog: my day be so bad and then BOOM. i crush someone’s heart with blocking and watch their crushed face as they realise i shut them down entirely.  
semisemi: i am so scared of you

cliffordthebigreddog: ahem.  
cliffordthebigreddog: ALL I AM IS A MAN I WANT THE WORLD IN MY HANDS I HATE THE BEACH BUT I STAND IN CALIFORNIA WITH MY TOES IN THE SAND USE MY SLEEVES IN MY SWEATER LETS HAVE AN ADVENTURE HEAD IN THE CLOUDS BUT MY GRAVITYS CENTRED TOUCH MY NECK AND ILL TOUCH YOURSELF YOU IN THOSE LITTLE HIGH WAISTED SHORTS OH  
thebestace: SHE KNOWS WHAT I THINK ABOUT WHAT I THINK ABOUT ONE LOVE TWO MONTHS ONE LOVE ONE HOUSE JUST US YOU FIND OUT NOTHING I WOULDNT WANT TO TELL YOU ABOUT NO   
cliffordthebigreddog: CAUSE ITS TOO COLD FOR YOU HERE AND NOW SO LET ME HOLD BOTH YOUR HANDS IN THE HOLES OF MY SWEATER  
shirabu: okay we get it you’re bisexual.  
cliffordthebigreddog: let us be gay shirabu  
shirabu: okay?? and i’m pansexual and i don’t go singing everyone talks all the time  
cliffordthebigreddog: maybe you should. good for the soul.   
ushijima: I’m gay.   
cliffordthebigreddog: thank you wakatoshi we appreciate you   
cliffordthebigreddog: two gays two bisexuals and a pansexual what crimes will we commit  
ushijima: Crime is illegal.  
cliffordthebigreddog: wakatoshi that’s the point  
shirabu: i chose murder please. preferably first degree.  
cliffordthebigreddog: who would you kill  
shirabu: goshiki.   
thebestace: THATS LITERALLY SO MEAN  
shirabu: i cleanse the earth of your fucking awful hair  
thebestace: YOU LITERALLY HAVE BADLY CUT BANGS BUT GO OFF IG


End file.
